Tears.

The cycle of life is a funny thing.
You cry, you cry, you cry.
Then you don't even try to stop the crying, it just comes
and you are okay; you are happy with it- the constant crying.

Being at the bottom is most times better than being at the top.
Not better than your friends,
humble enough to smile at strangers,
compassionate enough to see that you deserve nothing.
Up at the top is not so good.
Just riding high and laughing and taking everything for granted and all.

To trust in God is kinda scary.
Tears because you do not know.
The more you trust, the more you do not know.
But He rescues, and upholds, and loves.
And He made tears. And He made joy.
And we are human.

Thoughts of a Big Dweeb

I realized something today.  I am happiest when I'm really not that cool.  I love to wear sweatpants that cinch at the bottom or old hats from my dad or really fuzzy socks or converse with holes in them.  I really like to eat squash and beets and hot sauce and most people hate them.  I think that I was created to just be a huge weirdo.  Sometimes I try to be way to too cool by being stylish or impressing people or trying to fit some certain mode.  I'm not a super runner and I don't have cool running clothes.  I'm not really special in any way at all, and when I remember that then I am happy! God made me only to be nothing and to serve and when I serve other gods or idols or anything other than Him, then my life is not worth all the much.  I laugh at the things I do sometimes that I think will make me happy: like moving my legs faster, appearing to be ultra in control of my life and future, wealth, etc.  But really I have everything I already need! And the LESS I HAVE, the greater life is. And when I really realize I can't do anything on my own and have absolutely no control over my life, then I can so much appreciate other people and love them and be so amazed by and thankful for them instead of jealous. God is so great! Craziness....

o my rambles.

O no! Only two more months till winter...

Uh O. Cold weather is here to stay.  I so much love fall, but winter is a season where I don't participate in life (ineedtoworkonthis).  I can so clearly remember the day in March when I screamed with excitement at the fact that there were 9 more months until winter! But we cannot stop it, so here are some everyday essentials to bring a little warmth and joy!

Smart Wool: everything. It's awesome.

A space heater. This one is small but oscillating! 

An entire pot of tea of the daily. Yerba Matte anyone?

Other Ideas?

- An ugly knee to floor length coat- does anyone really care what you look like in winter?

- Dozens of the little wimpy gloves that cost .99 cents

- Oatmeal, soup, and fires.

- Snuggling.

Sometimes, Life is hard.

It's true. Life is hard. I feel like I am constantly reminded of this it seems like this year.  But also it's is weird.  I would say running and school are going worse then ever, but I am still able to find happiness from those around me and joy in trying to be content.

"I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live.  That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in their toil- this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it." 

Ecclesiastes 3:12-14

I love this verse.  It reminds me of this one.

"Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.  Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that."

James 4: 14-15

So life is hard. And we will be constantly beat down day after day after day until we are so weak and humble and absolutely nothing.  But really we aren't anything, right?  I find myself laughing (at myself) when I think any success or glory or joy I had was because of my own hard work or persistence.  I realize that I have done nothing and my life means NOTHING.  The meaning is only created by the chance to inspire or love others or give God glory.  And from this so much joy is found. And who cares what other people think- if someone doesn't like you there are billions of others who will.  

Finally (to end this rant) I hope that I (and my 13 blog readers!) will find joy in each day doing only what we can do. Complete submission.  I think this sometimes means laying on a blanket and looking at the wonderful autumn.  Or doing nothing just to accept we are not in control. And choosing to do what is really really hard.